What about sex outside of marriage?
Paul Robinson
The Bible certainly isn't ignorant or naive about sex - and so we must be aware of this and listen to what the Bible does have to say about it.
Firstly, sex is a very good gift from God. In the Garden of Eden we see the Bible's first reference to sex, and it talks of Adam and Eve.
"A man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame."
Genesis 2:24-25
This is part of God's "very good" creation. Sex is an important part of life in the perfect creation that God gave to Adam and Eve. Notice, too that sex is pure - both of them were naked, yet felt no shame. There is no thought of sex being in any way dirty. God intends that people should enjoy his provision for them, and sex is part of that.
I was recently given a food processor (I am, of course, very domesticated!). I might think that I know how to use a food processor, but if I just plough straight on and use it without reading the instructions, I could damage myself or others, or not use it to it's full potential. Just imagine me not realising the need to use the lid and losing my hand. With all things, it's useful to make sure that we take notice of the maker's instructions to ensure that a gift is used properly for greatest benefit. So we must turn to the Bible to see how best to use God's gift to us.
So God gives us these instructions for our good. Often the world thinks that Christians suffer from "not being allowed" to have sex before marriage. The temptation is always there to do whatever "feels good". But this is a dangerous game to play and is far from the case as God is concerned - God wants us to enjoy and appreciate sex much more. He wants sex to be used as an expression of unity and love between two mutually committed people. The imagery used in Genesis is of a male and female (two people) being united to become one flesh. So the first, obvious, instruction is that sex is heterosexual. It is between a man and his wife (married). They become united to become one flesh. This implies a significant emotional and physical bond between those two people. It is not something to be taken lightly and not a bond that is easily broken; but the more that bond is broken and reformed, the weaker that bond is in future. Promiscuity makes building solid relationships in future much more difficult. So sex ideally ought to be unique to one couple - adultery is mentioned many times in the Bible, and never positively. Adultery wrecks marriages and spoils relationships. It is not what God wants for us.
As an unmarried man, I know many temptations, but the Bible tells me how best to appreciate, love and make the most of my relationship with my girlfriend. I show my girlfriend that I love her, not by sleeping with her, but by not having sex until we are committed in marriage. It's really not easy, but the area of sex is, as the Bible tells us, a very emotional part of life; many of us here today may well feel guilt for things we've done in the past. Sadly, Christians have a tendency to think of certain obvious sins as more serious than others even though the Bible treats all sin as equally serious. This is often very true of sex outside of marriage. And this just the same attitude as the Jewish teachers of the law in John 8, when they brought a woman caught in adultery to Jesus. But Jesus told them to judge her if they themselves hadn't sinned. Without doubt, we are all sexual sinners. Jesus tells us that "anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart".
But Christians aren't merely left to feel guilty for past (and present) indiscretions, because Jesus came to die for sexual sinners. Jesus came to die to deal with all of our sin - whatever it is. Hebrews 9 tells us that Christ was sacrificed once to take away the sins of many people, so as Paul says in Romans "There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus". Jesus died to take the punishment that we deserve for our sin so that we don't have to face that punishment. The Christian response is to try to live as God wants us to - according to the Maker's instructions. Jesus told the woman caught in adultery to go away and sin no more.
So sex is a great gift from God that He's given us to enjoy. But to get the most from it, we need to use it according to his instructions, which is within a unique, heterosexual, married relationship. But we are all sexual failures who don't live how God would want us to. Nonetheless the ultimate, tremendous reassurance is that Jesus died for sexual sinners like me, and like you. So don't be consumed by guilt for the past - trust Jesus!