Desperate Times Call for Desperate Measures
Reflections on Desperate Housewives
Jennie Harmer, 1st May 2005
What is it that we are all searching for to make us happy? Wealth? Success? Love? Image? Glamour? The housewives of Wisteria Lane, the setting for America's hottest new show, seem to have all these attributes in abundance, along with impossible good looks and white picket-fenced gardens to die for. And Mary Alice does just that. Her unexpected suicide (she then narrates each episode from the grave), is an early hint that all is not as it appears in the seemingly perfect suburbs. And it is compulsive viewing from there on in! The glossy housewives, struggling to cope with their lives whilst maintaining their image for the neighbours, make great TV. There is enough intrigue to keep the tension building from episode to episode and enough plot twists to satisfy the most sceptical viewer. All this, on top of glamorous costumes, a witty script and enough black comedy to keep the tone light, combines to create a show to delight and addict both male and female viewers.
The four main characters, we discover, are all living lives of "quiet desperation" and this is further unravelled each episode as they, in turn, gradually unravel the mystery surrounding Mary Alice's death. Whether it is Lynette, driven to take her children's medication to cope with their behaviour or Bree, struggling to keep up the pretence of having the perfect marriage, or Gabrielle, desperate to conceal her affair with John, the gardener, all of these women are struggling on their own behind closed doors, in an attempt to appear "normal" in front of the neighbours. It is this need for the pretence of suburban normality which makes these women so likeable. Despite their failings, we recognise this need to keep up appearances, even if it means that honesty and openness are often absent in relationships.
In spite of appearing to have it all, these four women, and indeed, their husbands, are all searching for that elusive state - happiness. Even Gabrielle, with her glamorous lifestyle, rich husband and gorgeous house, does not have everything she wants. As she explains to her under-age lover, John, "Turns out I wanted all the wrong things". Bree, the superficially flawless Stepford Wife, is so busy running the perfect household that she doesn't realise, or refuses to admit, that her husband is not happy in their superficial life.
"Everyone on Wisteria Lane thought of Bree as the perfect wife and mother - everyone that is except her own family."
It is only unintentionally that Bree and Rex let their problems slip out in front of the neighbours at a dinner party and even then a cover up operation is soon put in place.
"Everyone has a little dirty laundry"
Each character, as we get to know them, is revealed to have their own dark secrets, which their close friends, and even their husbands, are not always party to. As Susan says in an attempt to explain why Mary Alice should have taken her own life, "Sometimes people pretend to be one way on the outside when they are totally different on the inside." This should not be surprising for those with whom they are not on particularly intimate terms, however, these ladies are good friends, as well as neighbours, and consequently feel they should have known what was going on in her life.
"I'm just so angry. If Mary Alice was having problems she should have come to us. She should have let us help her."
This from Susan, the divorcee, who is desperate to find a man who will treat her well, but would not dare to share with her close friends how she accidentally burnt down a rival's house whilst snooping around.
It becomes increasingly clear as the episodes roll by that there are few, if any, people on Wisteria Lane who are not involved in something immoral, from pill popping and affairs to prostitution and murder. There is little that would suggest anyone in this series is guiltless. Refreshingly, the show doesn't stop there but comments on the results of these sins, most of which have significant consequences: Lynette's drug addiction leads to her becoming out of control, culminating in a hallucination of Mary Alice offering her a gun with which to shoot herself; Gabrielle's affair leads to a strained relationship between her and Carlos, not to mention the lengths she has to go to in order to prevent his mother finding out; Andrew Van De Kamp's hit and run accident affects the already strained family relationship and brings things to a head between Bree and husband, Rex; Carlos' fraudulent business dealings result in him being sent to jail and Rex's visits to high-class prostitute, Maisy, lead to his heart attack and Bree's decision to wring him for every penny in the divorce courts. These situations allow the series to display a variety of responses to guilt, covering everything from denial and a lack of concern to regret and the inability to move on.
Mary Alice sums up with her usual perspicacity:
"There is a widely read book that tells us everyone is a sinner.
Of course, not everyone feels guilt over the bad things they do.
In contrast, there are those that assume more than their fair
share of the blame.
There are others, who sooth their consciences with small acts of
kindness.
Or by telling themselves their sins were justified.
Finally, there are the ones who simply vow to do better next
time and pray for forgiveness."
Gabrielle, with her "sin now, repent later" view exhibits context-dependant morality to deal with her guilt. In an enlightening interview with a priest following her mother-in-law's accident, she tries to justify her affair by claiming, "you know nothing about my life". In her mind, right or wrong depends on the situation you are in and the end result is what matters. She would prefer to deal with things "later, say when I'm 75". Like many of us, Gabrielle knows she has done wrong but is not willing to change now. When she has had her fun, she may consider putting things right and thinking of someone other than herself.
American Beauties?
Although many have hailed Desperate Housewives as the "new" Sex and the City, it is arguably more in the tradition of films like American Beauty and TV shows such as Six Feet Under and Twin Peaks. It is well scripted with, often dark, humour and plenty of intrigue. Added to this is the morbidity emanating from Mary Alice's narration from which much of the wry observation about the characters results. However flawless these women, and their lives, may appear, it isn't long before the darkness beneath is surfacing, despite their best efforts to maintain an outward appearance of perfection.
The show, in the same way as American Beauty, seeks to deconstruct the American Dream where material comfort oozes from every doorway but where, in reality, there is a marked disparity between superficial perfection and inner trauma and frustration. As Marc Cherry, the show's creator explains, "I wanted to write something about the choices we make in life and what happens when that doesn't go well...All these women have made some kind of choice in their life and are in various stages of regretting it. That's where the desperation comes from." They just don't want to have to admit this, either to themselves, to their friends, or worse, to the rest of the neighbourhood. Buddy Kane, the gleaming self-styled "King of Real Estate" in American Beauty sums up the same outlook:
"In order to be successful, one must project an image of success at all times."
The Housewives would probably add "happy" into the equation too.
The antidote to desperation...
The problem is that this kind of lifestyle is not sustainable. Life is too complicated to allow us to be continually projecting an image of success and happiness. And if we never open up to anyone, we'll never get the help we need to deal with our problems. Living indefinitely in denial is just not an option. When we "look closer" as American Beauty invited us to do, and as viewers of Desperate Housewives are tuning in by the million to do, it becomes clear that everyone does have "a little dirty laundry". The question posed by both the film and the show is how you deal with that. Do you suppress it in the hope that no one will ever know, as Mary Alice and husband Paul appear to have done, or do you risk trusting someone, being vulnerable and admitting that you are desperate?
This is where that "widely read book" the Bible gets it right. It is uniquely realistic about who we are - sinners through and through - which explains why we never manage to live up to the standards we set ourselves, let alone those God has set. Facing up to our intrinsic sinfulness is profoundly humbling but also incredibly liberating. God knows our failure better than we do and He loves us anyway, so much so that in Christ's death He's acted so we can be saved from failure and the resulting judgement. One day we will be renewed never to fail again. Forgiveness is the antidote to desperation. And of course, when we've been honest with God, it's so much easier to be honest with others. The Housewives enjoy a degree of mutual trust and vulnerability but they're still locked in a competitive system which means they haven't yet completely opened up to one another. Not that it's ever easy, but it's a lot harder if you aren't being open with yourself and with the God who knows you inside out.